‘ANNABELLE’ – A FILM FOR THE SAKE OF A FILM

I was incredibly disappointed with the prequel to ‘The Contouring’. After hearing many stories of people leaving the cinema early due to fear, I was thoroughly looking forward to a chilling tale. What I got was a third rated guide on how to run away from a demon that gives the runner a head start. It was not scary in the slightest, I almost left half an hour before the end. It wouldn’t have made much of a difference; the end was as predictable as Katie Price’s next divorce.

It is nothing like ‘The Conjuring’, excluding the format, which is why I am frustrated with the advertising, which stated that the two would be similar in many respect. The main problem was the lack of poltergeist activity, instead showing the demon and ghosts at every opportunity. It seems that after ‘The Conjuring’ the producers decided to widen the target audience by dummying it down. Instead of the subtle changes in the first film, ‘Annabelle’ has fallen into the pit of films for the sake of films, telling the audience “Oh look a demon, what do you think he wants? Well we are going to tell you stupid people every five minutes throughout the film to ensure that you stupid people understand the ending enough to enjoy the film.”

‘Annabelle’ has also committed the cardinal sin of all horror films. It has a moderately happy ending. This is disgusting, if you release a film near Halloween you have to make is either depressing or blood soaked, this was neither. There was (apparently) a sad part near the end of the film. I say apparently, because the film was only one and a half hours long, meaning no audience could forge a relationship with the characters, meaning that any sad moments were nothing of the sort. Not only is this film not depressing, but there is next to no blood, therefore this is NOT a horror film. They had some great opportunities to gore it up but casualty is gorier than this. I would liken this film very much too elegant road kill, no blood no real sadness for killing the squirrel and a waste of the time leaving the car to check it out.

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My advice… do not bother with ‘Annabelle’, wait until it comes out on TV, DVD or Netflix, but unless you are a village idiot I would say that there is no use for this film. Over the years horror films have taught us a lot, ‘Dracula’ taught us not to leave your windows open, ‘Shaun of the Dead’ gave us a step by step guide on how to survive a zombie apocalypse and ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ taught us to throw a jumper in the chain belt… or not. Annabelle just teaches us the importance of elevator safety. I have seen more terrifying images in 1990’s cartoons I watched as a child. Stick to ‘The Conjuring’, it may not have been scary but there were a few moments that made you jump. So I implore you to not bother.

Charly Spirling 

@CherlockMcFly

Header image: https://www.tumblr.com/search/annabelle+movie+review 

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