How to Be an Asshole: Sit on the Aisle

Now let me start this off by saying I understand how anxiety-inducing choosing a seat can be. People are bored in classrooms and when the door opens they check out whoever’s walking in. You suddenly feel fifty pairs of eyes on you –100 leering eyeballs – and feel the need to stick your butt in a seat as fast as possible so the class can find a new target for their mindless stares. I get it. But that doesn’t mean when I walk in to class and see two people sitting on the opposite ends of a row – blocking twenty seats in the middle – I’m not fantasizing about reenacting this scene from Silver Streak:

When you walk into a classroom and see an entire row empty, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not sit on the end. And if you do, you better be ready to eat your knees while I squeeze past you. The most inconsiderate classmates are the ones who see other students walk in with nowhere to sit except for the 20 seats to their right or left and don’t move any of their stuff. I will step on your backpack and booty bump your iPhone 6 to Hong Kong, honey, I’ll do it.

So please think before you sit, thank you and have a nice day.

Kat Stubing