Hugging heartWhen we fall in love with someone, we let them in on our deepest secrets, our insecurities and we reveal to them our vulnerabilities. When they make mistakes, we often let it slide then say “nobody’s perfect”. I know that once we let ourselves care about these people so much and give so much of ourselves to them that, in some cases, we forget that we deserve to be cared for, too.

When I say it’s better to be in love with yourself than be in love with someone, I don’t mean forget all prospects of being with someone special or turn into a cold cynic and start turning down anyone who approaches you. The handful of times when I’ve done the latter, it taught me that some will interpret it as being stuck up and rude and as a result, I would be called ‘prestige’ in the most disapproving tone. Who would want that?

I also don’t mean bask in vanity and make everything about ‘me-me-me’. I can’t name one person who adores a self-centered, self-righteous, egotistical poser. I think that would be a great way to earn a justified slap on the face or the dirtiest glare one can make.

What I mean to say is, go out and love someone. By all means, love the entire world if you’re the polyamorous type. But, love yourself first and the most, because honestly, who better to know and love you like your own self? It may sound sad, but it does make sense.

First, you already know your weaknesses and would have no trouble letting them all out. No need to worry about ‘you’ judging yourself because you’d probably find it silly (and you should) then laugh it off. You can be as weird, as weird is capable of being. Whether it be demolishing an entire box of pizza by yourself, owning a ridiculous animal print onesie that’s completely out of your character, burping loudly or daintily, or not knowing where Slovakia is, who cares? Go let in your next door neighbour’s cat like you secretly do every Wednesday after coming home from uni. No one has to know but you… but that’s weird.

Is there something you would like to try but your significant other or ex-significant other refuses to do it with you? … Err, not strictly referring to that kind of something. I was thinking of going to some music gig that you both don’t normally listen to but would like to find out what it’s like, or just anything out of your ordinary activity. Well, I know it could be more fun doing things together but heck, who ever said you can’t accomplish whatever it is alone? Love yourself enough to go solo every now and then and do what you’ve been contemplating on for so long.

Saying “I’m in love with myself first” may come across as selfish and conceited but in a world that demands a lot from you constantly, it wouldn’t hurt to be a little vain. In fact, in this context you’re just proving to yourself that you respect yourself enough to just be you.

Jana Oliveros