The stages of revision, as told by Ru Paul’s Drag Race
Stage 1: The ‘I’m going to be a serious student and ace this exam’ phase.
This is the you who looked at the past paper and has set up a colour coded revision timetable. You are going to own this exam, Queen!
Stage 2: The ‘I’ve just seen this horrible question that worth 70% of the paper’ stage.
As much as we wish we could all just be Bianca Del Rio, we can’t. Instead we have to attempt the equivalent of living hell in order to aid our revision and learning, whilst questioning why we took our chosen degrees in the first place.
Stage 3: The ‘give up and cry’ stage.
This normally occurs after the swearing stage, but often consists of you curled up, listening to Adele on repeat with a box of tissues nearby. The average is once every 2 weeks for Freshers, twice a week for 2nd years and daily for 3rd years.
Stage 4: The ‘weird’ stage.
Now what counts as ‘weird’ differs from person to person, however one can normally identify when they are at this stage from the increased level of unusual behaviours. My ‘weird’ stage can be identified by me skipping around the kitchen going la-la-la-la-la…don’t judge me.
Stage 5: The ‘where the hell is the food’ stage.
Everyone gets cravings when they are revising. Unfortunately these cravings are never for something healthy, like salad. Like EVER. I consider a Yo-Sushi craving healthy now.
Stage 6: The ‘consideration of slapping that friend’ stage.
You know the one. The one who gets firsts every time, despite never attending the classes or revising. Not to mention, when you attempt to revise with them to gain this knowledge, they always say they are going to leave it to the night before. Seriously, how?!
Stage 7: The ‘screw this, I’m going for a break’ stage.
How long it takes to get to this stage varies on a variety of factors, such as concentration, determination and how horrible your degree is. Sometimes one is forced away from their revision materials upon fears of insanity.
Stage 8: The ‘Wait I actually know something’ stage.
After all the pain of revision, there is the realisation that you didn’t waste £9000 a year on an education. Instead you clap at the fact that you might not actually fail this exam. Hurray!
Stage 9: The realisation that you have to repeat these steps over and over again until exam day!
Let me just check my YO-Sushi discount is still in date and sort out my Adele playlist…